I’m just not about to let my guard down [again] and start to think that just maybe, just this once … things are working in my favor.
All of my irrational fears of the past have proven to be just the opposite, and I cannot lose sight of that now. I cannot fall back into that place I was, that place that drove me back to America. Easily the most broken I have ever felt. I’m going to keep the distance I created, a safe spot. That’s not to say that I will avoid all hurt - because I won’t. Not right now, but if I keep in this mind then maybe it is possible.
I want to believe that you’re as involved as I am, but I cannot believe that anyone ever has that much self-control. That anyone could ever be that cautious of themselves.
I would be lying if I were to say that I didn’t think there was someone else.. and that thought … it is one that I prefer not to think about, because that pain is one that I know I would suffer.
I’ll hope for the best, for now, but keep my head.
